I thought I would share some of my journals with you. We have been on quite a journey.
3/2020
For 6 years we have sat on the edge of a miracle. Each day trusting God for today. Each day hoping that today was the day that Dylan would be healed. Some days we sit on this ledge tired and depressed. On other days we are full of hope. We lean over, deeply wishing to be on the other side of what seems to be an ever-widening chasm. We are unable to see the bottom, so we seek to build a bridge. Board by board we build. New meds or therapies, some of them add to our bridge, yet other days they are completely wiped away and we are back to square one. The amount of times we have sought to build this bridge are countless.
We can see people on the other side. Some are cheering us on. Some are offering their own advice on how to build the bridge, even though they themselves have never built one. Some don’t even see us. They know we are there, but they are too concerned about living their lives to be bothered. What we need is someone from the other side to meet us halfway. We have done our work. We have tried and tried. We are brave and relentless. I have read every medical article published about Dylan’s condition and he has tried all the therapies. I need someone to start to build a bridge on their side. I need them to be willing to stand on their beliefs. But they don’t. For you see, it is much easier to toss a rope or advice at someone than it is to build a bridge. Building a bridge means that someone else has to be brave too. They have to take risks. They have to be willing to lose their reputation on believing that their practices are strong enough for them to stand on. Throughout our journey, we have met several Doctors who are willing to stand a few boards out for us. But they never reach us. The chasm is too great and there are never enough boards, so after a while, they will retreat and wish us well.
We need a Doctor that will build a bridge. Recently, we heard of a clinic called the Spero Clinic in Arkansas. The bridge they seek to build is an unconventional one but it appears to be a bridge. I am highly skeptical but optimistic that we will be able to cross. This is a wish that is too big for me to even dare imagine, yet I hope, I pray and I desperately ask God to answer my prayers and allow Dylan the chance to be healed here in the land of the living.
Psalm 27:13 “I remain confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”
6/2020
We have found our bridge builder! Dr. Katinka is brave and fearless. Step by step, therapy by therapy she has built a bridge. Not just one bridge, she and her staff build a bridge to every patient. They place each board with great care and amazing finesse. Sometimes the boards don’t fit right or need to be replaced. They are not flustered by this, they simply keep working. Additionally, they have been able to show us that we have more boards than we thought. For each therapy, it seems the boards multiply. Some are on their side and some on ours. There is a responsibility on our side. Dylan must choose to pick up the boards and use them. He must be just as diligent as Dr. K’s staff. I am happy to say, that he has been doing his part. The bridge doesn’t seem as long or the chasm as deep when you have tools and hope. The bridge is almost finished, but we still have some work to do. His bridge is not finished, but we all can now look forward to its completion. We no longer wonder if there are boards or if it is even possible to get to the other side. We see it, we want it. We will get there, and when we do, we will give thanks, just as we do every morning. Each day is a gift. A day to build, to dream, and to capture the future we never believed we would see. We are thankful.
10/2020
The bridge is complete. It seems nearly impossible. Miracles are called miracles because you cannot explain them, and I truly feel that is what has happened. 6 weeks ago, we visited Dr. Sheen in Nebraska. When we arrived, Dylan was about 80% better. Dr. Sheen is a bridge-builder also. Boards multiply and we cannot explain it. The final boards were laid and we fully cross over. All we can do is bow down and praise God. This journey has been very long and laborious. The weight of the journey has taken its toll. I kiss the new ground and cry out. My heart struggles with believing that the bridge is truly complete. I constantly find myself watching for the trolls that will come and steal the boards and push us back to the other side. I watch the bridge knowing my eyes should be on the new land. It is the land of living that we have been begging to be a part of. Dylan is there. He has left the bridge behind and refers to it as his past. What an amazing blessing. We trusted, we prayed and you prayed with us. We are thankful beyond words.
Psalm 27:13-14 MSG
“I’m sure now I’ll see God’s goodness in the exuberant earth. Stay with God! Take heart. Don’t quit. I’ll say it again. Stay with God.”
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